The Joke Thread......

[01dragonslayer]

Just finished buying the family Christmas tree and as the clerk was tying it down he asked me, "So you plan on putting this up yourself then?"
"No you sicko- I was thinking in front of the window in the den."

[01dragonslayer]

Traditionally, we always have a family Christmas jumper...
...It's always my job to talk him down :/

[01dragonslayer]

Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party.
It was a total buzzkill.

[01dragonslayer]

Christmas Cheer
Just texted my Girlfriend to see if she was coming over tonight after her family Christmas celebration.

She texted, "Let me guess, Netflix and chill."

I responded, "No baby, I upgraded to Disney Plus and Thrust"

[01dragonslayer]

How do you get a nuclear family?
Splitting an atom family.

[01dragonslayer]

If a family with a mother, father, and child is called a nuclear family...
...why isn't incest called radioactive dating?

[01dragonslayer]

The theory goes, that surnames often come from the job of your ancestors.
What on earth did "Dickinson" do?!

[01dragonslayer]

My English friend was shocked to find out that his ancestors came from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

[01dragonslayer]

I asked the genie to revive one of my oldest ancestors, to see what life was like when they were around.
Let's just say, it was a pretty fishy chat.

[01dragonslayer]

Two people are discussing their ancestors who lived during world war 2
Girl: my grandparents were in a concentration camp

Boy: so was my grandpa, he died there

Girl: aw that’s so sad

Boy: yeah, poor guy fell out of the guard tower